Embracing Solitude: My Rite of Passage into Adulthood

Stepping into adulthood is often either romanticized as newfound freedom, or it passes with no fanfare, or it is semiconsciously marked by a drunken night out. Too often it is about paying bills and going to work. For me, the journey to becoming a man involved much restlessness and many years of searching. It eventually showed up as something much quieter: a deep embrace of solitude and self-reflection, a humble awakening. In a world overflowing with distractions and noise, with the will to power and possession, I discovered that my path into adulthood was (and is) deeply personal, quiet and transformational. Embracing the discomforts of solitude has played a crucial role in my journey into adulthood, shaping my identity and enriching my spirit.

The Need for Solitude

In my late teens and early twenties, I realized that venturing alone into the woods had a gentle yet significant impact on me. It's difficult to articulate, but I felt an attraction, a calling if you will, to solitude in nature. I longed for something more profound than what mainstream culture and society, including the religion of my upbringing, could provide.

During my college years in Colorado, I would venture into the foothills near Denver to find a spot overlooking the city. From there, the cars appeared like ants crawling on the ground. This view offered me perspective on the individual lives we lead and how easily we become absorbed in our personal dramas and activities. While our lives and dramas are indeed significant, obtaining a broader perspective is akin to lifting our heads above the chaos of society's rushing waves. This allows us to observe our dramas without becoming entangled in them and to experience our emotions without being consumed by them.

Defining My Rites of Passage

Rites of passage have been part of human culture for centuries, marking transitions in life. For many men today, these rituals have become personal experiences, filled with unique meaning.

I realized that my rites of passage were not about formal ceremonies but about personal challenges that tested my resolve. I began to set goals that pushed my boundaries. For example, I undertook a 40-mile hike solo in the mountains. That experience tested my physical endurance and mental grit, reinforcing my determination to continue my journey.

Nature as a Teacher

In my mid-20s, I discovered an organization near Seattle offering rites of passage experiences for all age groups, from youth to elders. I learned about their wilderness quest for adults, which involved a group journeying to a remote wilderness for the profound and ancient practice of solo fasting and ritual transformation. A bone deep yearning emerged within me, and I knew I had to participate.

As I prepared, I envisioned a profound experience, filled with visions of spiritual enlightenment and strength, transforming into a new version of myself with superpowers. I was unaware of my own naivety. Indeed, it was a powerful experience that still resonates with me, but what the land, trees, wind, and insects taught me was to slow down, be humble, and listen. They taught me to release shame and accept myself in all my vulnerable fragility and confusion. They showed me that I am the treasure that I seek...and I saw just how frequently I turn away from the treasure that I am.

Seeking Spiritual Growth

The journey of being human is challenging. We all encounter our own obstacles and trials. At times we succeed, while at other times we falter, providing us with the chance to learn from our errors. I am no different. My shortcomings and difficulties have fueled my intense desire for spiritual growth. In this way, I can appreciate my mistakes, as they have driven me to seek healing and transcend the self-limiting beliefs passed down by parents, school, church, work, media, and more.

At times, being alone is very uncomfortable, and I feel the urge to seek distraction through the presence of others. Yet, it is in the crucible of solitude when I face my fears and confront mortality that I can simply be with reality as it is. There is a profound freedom and peace there; the mountain top experience meets the grounded valley.

Building Connections from Solitude

There exists a paradox between solitude and interconnection. The more I immerse myself in solitude, the more enriched my relationships become. By embracing my true self, I am less impacted by the actions and words of others. The cravings of my ego for attention and validation diminishes. I am able to listen with a quieter mind and respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. By gradually cultivating self-love, I am able to love others more authentically with many ups and downs.

A Path Toward Growth

Solitude plays a crucial role in shaping my identity and enriching my spirit. Venturing alone into nature provides me with a profound sense of perspective. Embracing moments of silence and reflection has fostered a deeper connection with myself, improved my relationships, and clarified the man I aspire to be.

As we each navigate our paths into adulthood, let’s not shy away from solitude. Instead, we should view it as an opportunity to grow and let our souls express themselves fully. In these quiet spaces, we can build the strength needed to face life's challenges and emerge as authentic individuals, ready to engage with the world.